The 8 Inevitable Stages of a Hangover
We've all been there. And it's not pretty. Here at FitBeer we love the hangover-less state that alcohol free beer gives us, but we could never forget the torture that comes the morning... and day after a few too many.
What world am I in? What life am I living on? What is this seeing thing I am feeling? In a…whats this?… a bed? what happened to m… OH YEEEEEEAH. I got DRUNK.
It’s like going from the big-bang moment, where nothing exists but time and space itself, to the gates of hangover hell in 0-60 seconds.
2. The wave
“That’s not a mountain… its a wave.”
That lovely warm fuzzy feeling you might have felt for a split second, thats gone. On the horizon you spot a massive wave approaching, but before you have time to jump into your spaceship and fly off, it envelops you and waves of spinning-head and nausea erupt around you as your blood begins to stumble drunkenly through your veins.
3. The Expedition
The time has come to venture out into unknown land...
Oh you did an Ironman? Bitch PLEASE. I made it from my bed across the treacherous fire-ocean to the bathroom, and then descended the Mount Doom staircase before pedalling through the icy depths to my kitchen to make a cup of tea.
4. The Feeding
Phew, with all that exercise, it must be time for ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD.
And so begins the dilemma: Venture out to the shops for bacon? Go out for breakfast? …use the rest of my salary to get someone to bring me breakfast?? Eat the boring food already in the fridge???
Either way, the hangover must be fed.
5. And then we wait…
What requires the least amount of energy possible? Best not think about it, thats too much hard work. Lets just sit and watch cartoons.
6. The Giggles
You know the saying, hangovers love company. If you’re lucky enough to have your drinking buddy present for the hangover you may be lucky enough to experience the giggles. It’s like the alcohol in your blood has been brought back for a revival tour and for a brief moment you remember why you love drinking.
7. The Speech Impediment
Ok so you’ve made it this far, and now you’re trying to function again. To remember what it was like to behave like a normal person who can formulate words and sentences. Only it’s a lot harder than you remember… was saying words always this diccifult?
8. The Rebound Drink
You’ve been hurt. You’ve suffered a great loss (of your weekend).You had so many hopes and dreams for the future that have been dashed. But eventually you feel ready to love again. Sure, this beer may not be the one, but it’s time to get out there and start drinking again.... Or maybe let's make that a FitBeer.